finally!

it took me almost an hour to get this done. the world is kinda sending me mixed messages about doing this... 
what prompted me to do this is bo sanchez and his message to find my talent, practice and deliver. if it weren't for his other message that we should try and try again, i would've been asleep by now...
so what is the purpose of all this? just wanted to be me, myself and I.
and for the longest that i can remember, i've always been into writing. that and being a supermodel, but i can't imagine if i took that path. i hate make up and wearing high heels. i didn't know back then the 'requirements' ...
mark this day, it's my first day. hopefully the last day...
of my period. =)

i was born on 1979.
our first place was at manila
then at pasig
then at san juan.
so funny that i wanted to be me on this blog but i still can't state the specifics of my life...
i have privacy issues, and i wanted to be a model *scoff*

i am the only girl in the family with a supportive father and a supportive but very nagging mother.

i was tomboyish in grade school and tried to be unique all through out my life.

i didn't have suitors, well, serious ones i guess. i had one suitor though who just saw me and then decided to 'court' me. i think it was a week later, even if i barely know him, i agreed to be his 'gf'. then i week later i broke up with him...

i have a very strict father who doesn't sleep unless i'm home.  i rarely get to go out and party. and if i did, i have to be home early.

back then, i didnt' think about how other's life suck more than mine.  now, this is what gets through my 'cravings'.  seing pictures of kids with bones protruding, with nothing to eat. who am i to complain that i didn't get to buy the latest trends?

i explored my sexuality as early as i can remember... my parents even caught me cause we used to sleep in one room. asked me if i was hot because my shorts was down. i don't know what even started this. but i remember my brother and his then gf watching either an R rated movie or porn... maybe that's what set me off. or on for this matter. i've explored with a neighbor of mine.  i think she initiated it after discussing our sexuality... i hated it when it was my turn.  i hate the fact that technically she is my first kiss.  there was even one time she was sick and we did it, i don't remember though if i got sick too after that.... but i probably did.

so with no serious relationship in my life, i succumbed to a dark hole that only i have access to. i pity myself. i was in a dark place.  with no social life. i've learned to close my heart.  change it to stone. 

no regrets though. it was these 'challenges' and my past that what made me what i am today. i've learned the power of the mind because it was what and still is, gets me through the day.

i pretty much live a mundane life. wait let me search mundane to see if it's the right word for my life. it is.

chico and delamar, gino and fran. these people makes me smile.
watching tv, tv series on dvd, reading books and researching on the net keeps me occupied.

just always stay positive and remember that it's all in the mind.  and leave it up to God.

i have many things i wanted to say. to ask. and it all starts today.

finally.